A different kind of good-bye

I sat alone in the parking lot taking hits of my cigarettes while waiting for a text from my sister-in-law. My brother was leaving the country to work abroad and we spent the last few hours before his departure playing with his kids, yet I was impervious to the heaviness that day. I dropped his family off at the airport and found myself at the closest mall’s parking lot wasting time until they asked to be picked up. I let them have the last few moments together, up until the time that my brother had to board. My brother last left the country about three years ago. He was there for only six months, and at the time his daughter was only three years old. Now his family included a one-year-old boy and the young girl, who asked me three years ago, “Where’s daddy going?” was now fully aware of what took place that evening.

Read the full entry here >>

Read this and other writings on Musings and Mania

Coffe for the Insomniac

3 A.M. already
Darn this itch under my skin
Where are you, mosquito?
Come feast some more
Stay with me and suck my blood
Accompany me on my insomniac night.
I’ll just stay awake…

Drink a cup of coffee?
A cup of tea?
But those would make my teeth look dark…
Healthiness and heartiness
My hand-in-hand with heartlessness
and hairy legs.
Should I shave them?
Smooth and tangle-free,
buhaghag free,
free from split ends!
But not from dandruff.
Do you judge roughly?
Are you my Simon Cowell?
I called it quits
before I got to screening;
couldn’t handle it.
Is it fair?
Are you fair?
Fair-skinned?
Fair-raised? Farm raised? Well-raised?
Don’t know…

Can I know?
I’d like to know.
Do you like coffee? Tea?
Nonsense is what I serve best.
Chicken or fish?
I’ll be your steward,
just keep me awake.
I’ll even wash your hair.
Sunsilk? Creamsilk?
Your clothes: fine silks,
Indian silks, imported silks,
Chinese silks,
expensive silks…
I’ll buy them.
Just keep my eyes open.

SLAM!
I think the neighbor’s made is awake.
Shall I sleep or shall I serve?
I’m awake, but I’m not one of them,
so I should sleep
…but you’re still here.

And we’re together at the mall
but I don’t know where you really are
I wonder where you are
Are you safe? I know you’re sleeping
When did you fall asleep?
Are you sleeping well?
Did you brush your teeth?
Colgate or Sensodyne?
Sensitive teeth?
Liquid fluoride, liquid mercury
Sailor Mercury
My favorite color
The color of my curtains
The color of the sky…

I’m still awake!
I’ll take some coffee in a while
or maybe tea
It’s not as bad for your teeth
I’ll eat some breakfast
But no rice
and no butter on my toast.
No bread either. Carbo diet.
I shan’t be fat.
I need to buy shampoo
but I don’t know the language
but you do…

Will you help me?
When you wake up, of course.
If you want, you can help me.
I doubt you’d want to.
It’s 6 A.M., you must be as tired as I am.
Coffee?
No Thanks,
I just want to sleep.

Read this and other writings on Musings and Mania

Accomplished yet empty

It was six past ten in the morning when I got out of the taxi in front of the U.S. Embassy in Manila, in a little bit of a rush as the passport renewal window was only open until 11 A.M. I put my sunglasses on as the sun hit my eyes that lacked sleep as I had come from an early morning misa de gallo. I walked across the sidewalk in a rather thick jacket. It was sunny yet still cool with light wind blowing through my hair. Ahead of me, in front of a small beige building lined with steel doors and capped with a dark green roof, was a large white tent underneath which stood several queues made up with white chains strung across white posts where crowds lined up early in the morning for visa applications. Today however, there was no crowd and I came up to a security guard behind a large wooden podium, shrouded underneath a red tent.

Read the full entry here >>

Read this and other writings on Musings and Mania

Mania

You live in a world somewhere between
The heavenly skies and the darkest pits of hell
You’ll find that I never step upon your land
I’m busy spinning dizzily between the two.

Like a dog that must be chained,
Bubbles frothing at the edge of my mouth
I cause others to stray away in fear

Today I may carry Cloud 9 upon my face
But the next I’ll use it to throw lightning
Just for kicks

Accept me when I’m apathetic–
That’s the teaching of the doctor
Who’s observed me for years
And sent me off to my peaceful exile





Read this and other writings on Musings and Mania