That was the verdict of my remedial exam in Behavioral Medicine 2, posted on the bulletin board on the 2nd floor of the medicine building.
I went through a mini stage of shock. I thought I had passed until I realized that the alphabetical list should have had "Zuniga" after my name. I found out that Ms. Zuniga rounded out the list of passers of the exam, and the list (a long list of three) of failed examinees followed.
This is the first semester in my life where I will be getting a failing mark on my transcript. I'm already a year behind my original batch mates in medicine, and now I'll be another year behind.
But I'm smiling.
While others may be hanging around the bulletin board waiting for the world to change, or perhaps rallying at the department's office to recheck their grades, I left the building with a little hop in my step.
I know I didn't do my best in this subject. Hell, I barely even did anything at all in the second grading period. I deserve this, but I'm not taking it hard on myself.
I have been looking for a sign. I know for myself that if clerkship were to come in the next year, I wouldn't be ready. I feel selfish on my parents' behalf for wanting to be delayed and having another year to put me through school, but I'd never want to risk patients' lives if I wasn't ready. I need another year, and I think I got what I asked for.
I also believe this will give me the chance to grab some opportunities that I've let pass by. Throughout school I have always been hindered in many things I have wanted to do--- learn more in dance, teaching, modeling... But it's always been forgotten because of school. Perhaps now those lost opportunities will appear again. Maybe even new opportunities, such as European tours and competitions of recent gossip, are in store for me.
The future is so unclear, frightening, but above all else exciting. I got a failing grade, so why smile? ...Why not, Wynant? :)
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| Half-assed smirk. Bagsak? So what. |
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