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26 December 2013

Coffe for the Insomniac

3 A.M. already
Darn this itch under my skin
Where are you, mosquito?
Come feast some more
Stay with me and suck my blood
Accompany me on my insomniac night.
I’ll just stay awake…

Drink a cup of coffee?
A cup of tea?
But those would make my teeth look dark…
Healthiness and heartiness
My hand-in-hand with heartlessness
and hairy legs.
Should I shave them?
Smooth and tangle-free,
buhaghag free,
free from split ends!
But not from dandruff.
Do you judge roughly?
Are you my Simon Cowell?
I called it quits
before I got to screening;
couldn’t handle it.
Is it fair?
Are you fair?
Fair-skinned?
Fair-raised? Farm raised? Well-raised?
Don’t know…

Can I know?
I’d like to know.
Do you like coffee? Tea?
Nonsense is what I serve best.
Chicken or fish?
I’ll be your steward,
just keep me awake.
I’ll even wash your hair.
Sunsilk? Creamsilk?
Your clothes: fine silks,
Indian silks, imported silks,
Chinese silks,
expensive silks…
I’ll buy them.
Just keep my eyes open.

SLAM!
I think the neighbor’s made is awake.
Shall I sleep or shall I serve?
I’m awake, but I’m not one of them,
so I should sleep
…but you’re still here.

And we’re together at the mall
but I don’t know where you really are
I wonder where you are
Are you safe? I know you’re sleeping
When did you fall asleep?
Are you sleeping well?
Did you brush your teeth?
Colgate or Sensodyne?
Sensitive teeth?
Liquid fluoride, liquid mercury
Sailor Mercury
My favorite color
The color of my curtains
The color of the sky…

I’m still awake!
I’ll take some coffee in a while
or maybe tea
It’s not as bad for your teeth
I’ll eat some breakfast
But no rice
and no butter on my toast.
No bread either. Carbo diet.
I shan’t be fat.
I need to buy shampoo
but I don’t know the language
but you do…

Will you help me?
When you wake up, of course.
If you want, you can help me.
I doubt you’d want to.
It’s 6 A.M., you must be as tired as I am.
Coffee?
No Thanks,
I just want to sleep.



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Posted by Unknown at 12/26/2013 03:17:00 AM No comments:
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Accomplished yet empty

It was six past ten in the morning when I got out of the taxi in front of the U.S. Embassy in Manila, in a little bit of a rush as the passport renewal window was only open until 11 A.M. I put my sunglasses on as the sun hit my eyes that lacked sleep as I had come from an early morning misa de gallo. I walked across the sidewalk in a rather thick jacket. It was sunny yet still cool with light wind blowing through my hair. Ahead of me, in front of a small beige building lined with steel doors and capped with a dark green roof, was a large white tent underneath which stood several queues made up with white chains strung across white posts where crowds lined up early in the morning for visa applications. Today however, there was no crowd and I came up to a security guard behind a large wooden podium, shrouded underneath a red tent.

Read the full entry here >>



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Posted by Unknown at 12/26/2013 03:06:00 AM No comments:
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17 December 2013

Mania

You live in a world somewhere between
The heavenly skies and the darkest pits of hell
You’ll find that I never step upon your land
I’m busy spinning dizzily between the two.

Like a dog that must be chained,
Bubbles frothing at the edge of my mouth
I cause others to stray away in fear

Today I may carry Cloud 9 upon my face
But the next I’ll use it to throw lightning
Just for kicks

Accept me when I’m apathetic–
That’s the teaching of the doctor
Who’s observed me for years
And sent me off to my peaceful exile





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Posted by Unknown at 12/17/2013 02:54:00 AM No comments:
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20 January 2013

Why nestle for the softness?

"...A white rabbit is pulled out of a top hat.  Because it is an extremely large rabbit, the trick takes many billions of years.  All mortals are born at the very tip of the rabbit's fine hairs, where they are in a position to wonder at the impossibility of the trick.  But as they grow older they work themselves ever deeper into the fur.  And there they stay.  They become so comfortable they never risk crawling back up the fragile hairs again.  Only philosophers embark on this perilous expedition to the outermost reaches of language and existence.  Some of them fall off, but others cling on desperately and yell at the people nestling deep in the snug softness, stuffing themselves with delicious food and drink.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' they yell, 'we are flatting in space!'  But none of the people down there care.
'What a bunch of troublemakers!'  they say.  And they keep on chatting:  Would you pass the butter, please?  How much have our stocks risen today?  What is the price of tomatoes?  Have you heard that Princess Di is expecting again?

When Sophie's mother got home later that afternoon, Sophie was practically in shock.  The tin containing the letters from the mysterious philosopher was safely hidden in the den.  Sophie had tried to start her homework but could only sit thinking about what she had read.

She had never thought so hard before!  She was no longer a child--but she wasn't really grown up either.  Sophie realized that she had already begun to crawl down into the cozy rabbit's fur, the very same rabbit that had been pulled form the top hat of the universe.  But the philosopher had stopped her.  He--or was it a she?--had grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her from the tip of the fur where she had played as a child.  And there, on the outermost tips of the fine hairs, she was once again seeing the world as if for the very first time.

The philosopher had rescued her.  No doubt about it.  The unknown letter writer had saved her from the triviality of everyday existence.

When mom got home at five o'clock, Sophie dragged her into the living room and pushed her into an armchair.

'Mom--don't you think it's astonishing to be alive?"  she began.

Her mother was so surprised that she didn't answer at first.  Sophie was usually doing her homework when she get home.

'I suppose I do--sometimes,' she said.

'Sometimes? yes but--don't you think it's astonishing that the world exists at all?"

'Now look, Sophie, stop talking like that.'

'Why? Perhaps you think the world is quite normal?'

'Well isn't it?  More or less, anyway.'

Sophie saw that that philosopher was right.  Grownups took the world for granted.  They had let themselves be lulled into the enchanted sleep of their humdrum existence once and for all.

'You've just grown so used to the world that nothing surprised you any more.'

'What on earth are you talking about?'

'I'm talking about you getting so used to everything.  Totally dim, in other words.'

'I will not be spoken to like that, Sophie!'

'All right, I'll put it another way.  You've made yourself comfortable deep down in the fur of a white rabbit that is being pulled out of the universe's top hat right now.  And in a minute you'll put the potatoes on.  Then you'll read the paper and after half an hour's nap you';; watch the news on TV!'

An anxious expression came over her mother's face.  She did indeed go into the kitchen and put the potatoes on.  After a while she came back into the living room, and this time it was she who pushed Sophie into an armchair.

'There's something I must talk to you about,' she began.  Sophie could tell by her voice that it was something serious.
'You haven't gotten yourself mixed up with drugs, have you, dear?'

Sophie was just about to laugh, but she understood why the question was being brought up now.

'Are you nuts?' she said.  'That only makes you duller!'

No more was said that evening about either drugs or white rabbits."

- Jostein Gaarder, Sophie's World

Posted by Unknown at 1/20/2013 07:01:00 PM No comments:
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Why isn't it bad to get lost?

I guess I will be embarking on a journey where I will get lost. When you're lost that's when you'll better find yourself. In those moments when you don't know what to hold on to, when all the tracks you've set in your life beforehand have fallen apart, you discover yourself. It opens up a new way of thinking. You'll find ways to survive, ways to find your way through the rubble. I believe we should sometimes stray away from the path that anyone, even ourselves, has set for us.  Stray away from the beaten path.  Find your own, make your own, and you'll find where you truly should be.  Take a chance.  Why not, wynant?
Posted by Unknown at 1/20/2013 06:49:00 PM No comments:
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06 November 2012

Why can't I delete these?

I was cleaning out my phone's photo album the other day, but there were a couple of photos I couldn't delete.

Senseless pictures really, but things that I'd rather not delete.

When I see them, may sakit, may kurot.  Pictures that really make me pause for a little while when scrolling through my photos.

They're remnants of ordinary, everyday things, but those that come with a special feeling.  A nostalgia for a certain space in time where you suddenly see, hear, feel, taste, and smell every detail from those sweet memories.

15 July 2012

This is the view from my window on the 12th floor of a condo building in Manila.  Every morning, every afternoon, and every evening I see this.  In fact, I have several pictures of this view, but on this day I woke up late in the afternoon to find the sky an interesting shade of orange-ish pink, which coated Manila's buildings with a blood orange colour.  It was quite magical for me.  I texted him in excitement of sharing what I had seen, and to my delight I received a fervent reply.  It gave me the impression that things went well.  I had only met him the night before.  We made on-the-spot plans to meet that night, and he picked me up from one of my favourite coffee shops in Quezon City.  We dropped by Burger King to talk for a while and get to know each other.  That night I met a handsome, witty, intellectual guy who was easy to talk to and kept up great conversation.  He brought me home before the sun rose, and as I woke up the colour of my world magically matched the elation I had felt within.


20 July 2012

The Pit, Asturias.  Often an inuman place.  Sometimes my classmates and I go here for lunch, or if blessed with an early dismissal (or perhaps class suspensions) a few buckets of beer accompany us.  A few drinks to finish off the day has always been a good idea, and trying out the new Antonov seemed like a good alternative to the tummy-bloating Red Horse or San Mig.  I took a picture of the Cosmopolitan and the Kamikaze because of the awesome shades of pink and green that they came in (not to mention they tasted good too!). Also managed to get his elbow in the picture.  This is the third time I met him.  Training was cut short on that day because of the monsoon.  He told me he was at Starbucks in Dapitan and I coyly asked if I could join him.  We decided to try the dish he told me about the last time we went out.  I felt safe that we could share a common territory: Dapitan.  As we shared second-hand smoke outside Starbucks, he asked me to accompany him the following night to a party he was going to with his high school friends.  Panic and kilig collided inside my stomach and sent shivers down my spine.  I felt special that he wanted me to meet his high school friends already, but my social phobias kept me weary.  I swallowed that fear and gave a resounding, "Sure, of course."

20 Aug 2012

On my last birthday, two awesome friends gave me a bottle of my favourite alcohol, Baileys.  It came with two cool glasses like the one here.  It isn't filled with Baileys, however, that's Gataka. Gatas, Tanduay, Kape.  He offered to make "Baileys" for me and my friends then.  My friends really liked him.  They thought he was charming, cute, and really knew how to get along.  Well I don't think I would have liked him as much if he wasn't, right?  I was tearing myself up that night.  I had been doubting for weeks whether he liked me or not.  We had plans to see each other for a little bit after his meeting in the afternoon.  I waited all afternoon at my friend's place for his update.  I waited, staring at my phone until the sun disappeared, dinner was served, and the hour hand passed 9 P.M.  I was telling myself to give up on him.  This was affirmation of everything I was thinking, of the things that I was scared of confirming: that he wasn't into me, that I wasn't the one.  I convinced myself to forget about him if we didn't see each other that night.  As I was nearing the breaking point, my phone flashed a message at 21:59.  He had finally texted, and the usual butterflies in my stomach, ventricular arrhythmia, automatic smile, and feeling of "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh" came as his name graced my home screen (as it always does).  His meeting at 2 P.M. lasted until almost 10 P.M. I had assumed that it was too late for him to come over, but he gave me a call.  We invited him over, knowing that he couldn't be out for too late.  He ended up staying till morning, spending the night in my arms.
Posted by Unknown at 11/06/2012 04:42:00 AM No comments:
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05 November 2012

Why read horoscopes?

When getting to know a new friend, a question that I find sparks quirky conversation would be:

"What's your zodiac sign?"

Then you hear a cascade of questions relayed about each others' traits and if, or how, the characteristics of the zodiacs match their personalities.

Then I got (or rather felt) criticized by someone I dated recently about my fondness of reading horoscopes. He blurted out, "Doctor ka ba talaga?" I guess it was for the lack of scientific basis that sparks most skepticism about horoscopes.

I began to reassess the real reason why I read horoscopes.

I guess its been a thing for me and my friends to read about zodiac signs and horoscopes.  Sometimes we find ourselves sitting around reading twitter feeds about certain traits and seeing if we relate to them, or to someone we know.

I guess there's really no harm in my interest of horoscopes. But what keeps us reading them?

I suppose it's a fascination with being able to predict the future, being able to take control, feeling somewhat omnipotent or perhaps even God-like.

Often times now when I'm asked, "Do you believe in horoscopes?" I often resort to Zenaida Seva's famous line, "Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito."

We just want to believe in something. Perhaps even find out that we are not the only person going through the same thing; that maybe someone out there, a fellow Taurean or whatnot, is experiencing the same thing.

A line from Floy Quintos' play, Fake, hit close to home when the character Jose Marco alluded that we create and believe in things because we want to create hope. Hope is the, "flicker of light that we hold on to in the darkness," when we are lost, don't know what to do next, or perhaps are even looking for a sign.

I read horoscopes for guidance and hope.  Admixed with free will, my path will always be lit.  If anyone ever asks me again, "Why read horoscopes?" I'd proudly answer... Why not? Wynant :)
Posted by Unknown at 11/05/2012 03:22:00 AM No comments:
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Labels: horoscope, zodiac
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